Monstrous Musings

Day 11: The Rite

 

Happy Halloween Countdown: The Rite

I have never wondered what Hannibal Lector would be like as a priest– never, not even once.  Okay, maybe just once:

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Day 10: Night of the Living Dead 3D

 

History is filled with people who’ve had good ideas and people who‘ve had bad ideas.  Edward Jenner’s development of the small pox vaccine was a good idea.  The alphabet was a good idea.  The wheel was a good idea.   Conversely, Gouverneur Morris jabbing a whale bone up his pee-hole to clear a blockage in his urinary tract was a bad idea.   Invading Russia, showering with a hair dryer, Sarah Palin are all examples of bad ideas.  Following in the footstep of those great bad ideas is 2006’s Night of the Living Dead 3D.

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Day Nine: The Monster of Piedras Blancas

Halloween Countdown: The Monster of Piedras Blancas

Is it the poor man’s Creature from the Black Lagoon?  Naw, it’s just a native Californian doing a little beach combing.

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Day Eight: Angry Red Planet

Happy Halloween Countdown: Angry Red Planet

Angry Red Planet, a film that captures a bygone age of science fiction and monster movies, an age where men were men, women were women, and Giant Spider-Bat-Mice from Mars were Giant Spider-Bat-Mice from Mars.

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Day Six : The Off Season

Happy Halloween Countdown: Day Six

Imagine that Stanley Kubrick’s film The Shining is Thanksgiving dinner complete with turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy.  Continuing with that analogy, imagine digging through the fridge a week later looking for leftovers.  You find one last slice of dry white meat and a glob of congealed gravy in a Tupperware container labeled “The Off Season.”  Yeah.  This movie is like the old leftovers of another, better movie.

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Day Five : Laserblast

Happy Halloween Countdown: Laserblast

In the age before home video, when cable consisted of a mere twenty channels & HBO, a much younger me would scour the TV Guide  as soon as it came, in search of  all the monster movies that would be playing that week.  If you didn’t catch them when they were one, you didn’t catch them at all. So imagine my joy when I found that Laserblast was playing on channel 26 that Saturday afternoon.  The description promised creatures from outer space and a teenager on a murderous rampage with evil alien laser cannon.  Doing the happy dance, I tuned in with a smile on my lips and a song in heart.  It was going to be monster joy and mayhem.

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Day Four: Phantom of the Opera

Happy Halloween Countdown Phantom of the Opera

By 1943, Universal studios had changed hands from the founding Laemmle family and recast itself as Universal International.  The studio’s cycle of classic horror films, which began two decades earlier in the silent era, was coming to a close; its best films gone by.  Can you imagine fright fans of the day anticipating the release of a new Phantom of the Opera film, in color no less?

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Day Three: Strigoi

Vampires are ucky

After a decade of enduring vampires depicted as either emaciated fashion models with guns or irritating teenagers dipped in glitter, any change is a good one.  For years I have wanted to see vampires as they are depicted in folklore: dirty, gross, and ugly.  Filmed in Romania, the homeland of Dracula, Strigoi makes my Halloween wish come true.  These are not American vampires, clean and fresh faced. No, these are gluttonous grave dwellers; their fingernails caked with dirt, lips darkened and skin mottled.   Strigoi  is the antitheses of all that is Twilight and that is reason enough to watch it.

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Day Two: Tucker & Dale vs Evil

Happy Halloween Countdown Day Two Tucker & Dale vs Evil

Murderous rednecks: it’s almost a subgenre all to itself.  Heck, Rob Zombie has made an entire career of that particular theme.  There are, by and large, only two flavors of killer hillbilly movies;  the dumbass college kids stumble across a nest of psychotic rednecks  or a family of murdering inbreds roam the rural highways of America looking for college kids to prey upon. Yawn.  In my opinion, this side of Deliverance, Tobe Hooper did everything interesting that could to be done  with the family of killer rubes shtick that could be done . . . until Tucker & Dale vs Evil.

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Day One: Resident Evil 5

Happy Halloween Countdown Day One

Action adventure films are not normally my cup of tea.  I detest Arnold Schwartzenegger, I’m not fond that Rambo guy, or that other guy with the beard and . . . oh, I don’t like the fat one with the pony tail.  So why, oh, why do I love the Resident Evil films so much?  There is really not much difference between Resident Evil and the action flicks of the 1980’s.  Instead of a white, macho shithead brutally gunning down minorities and foreigners we get the lovely Milla Jovovich brutally gunning down monsters and zombies.  Nevermind. I’ve answered my own question. Moving on . . .

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