Archive for the ‘Retro Reviews’ Category
War-Gods of the Deep
A good title can sometimes sell the book or movie. Take War-Gods of the Deep, for example. That is a seriously awesome title. It conjures up images both sensational and cheesy. “There isn’t going to be a lot of subtly here,” The Title says, “There will be some hammy acting, an attractive woman in a low-cut dress, and some corny monsters with rubber masks.” Okay. This might work. The Title has my attention. It just needs a little something to put me over the edge. Oh, ho! It stars Vincent Price! I’m in. I can almost hear The Title laughing to itself, “Bwah-hah-hah, I’ve hooked another one!”
The Man with the Screaming Brain
Pre-ramble:
Sometimes, things you would think would be good, just aren’t. As a child I had an inordinately deep love of peppermint. They made peppermint candy. They made peppermint gum. Heck, they even made peppermint ice cream. So why, I wondered, is there no peppermint soda? I decided that I would make my own. To club soda I added sugar, peppermint extract and green food coloring. Sure, red might be more appropriate, but we didn’t have red. Besides, red would have looked like cherry soda and that would be boring. I imagined that it would be green and bubbly with a bite – that’s just what I wanted.
Taken on their own, these ingredients are just fine, but when you get them together you get a pungent beverage that burns your eyes. It felt like I’d been hit with Christmas tear gas. It also made my pee green for a week, which I thought was kind of cool. “So that’s why there are no peppermint sodas,” I said to myself as the minty, blinding lash of the peppermint whip bit deep into my corneas, “It’s a really bad idea.” With that in mind, I bring you, The Man with the Screaming Brain, a movie that I like to think of as Bruce Campbell’s own attempt at making peppermint soda.
Brotherhood of the Wolf
Pre-ramble:
There is a beast running about rural 18th Century France and it is eating the peasants, something about which the peasants are not too terribly pleased. So, hearing the cries of his subjects, the King sends Inspector Clouseau and his faithful side-kick Cato. No, wait, that’s not right. The French King sends his most fearsome Naturalist. Naturalist? Yeah! Anyway, the King’s Naturist, Mr. Grégoire de Fronsac, heads out to the hinterland with his faithful Mohawk side-kick Mani to investigate the mystery.